Ambulance, Waterfalls, and Gratitude

   By 3am my left eye is swollen shut and my lymph nodes in my armpits are aching. Welts the size of peaches pulse on my forehead and forearms.

"No. Fucking.Way." I realize how much I took depth perception for granted now that I can only see out of one eye. The only anti-inflammatory I have is Advil so I pop three and pray for sleep. 

  I Skype Michael at around 5am and end up crying every time I try to be brave. I have an 8:30 am bus for a four and a half our bus ride into a national park, aka, middle of nowhere.

"I can do this." I tell myself and eek out another hour and a half of sleep.

   I'm either delirious or that last stretch of sleep hit the spot but I wake up determined and feeling better. Just two days ago I was coaching myself away from catastrophising and "I'll be happy if" thinking and now I look like Quasimodo minus the hunchback(as Michael pointed out). More appropriate for lurking Notre Dan than hiking through Croatian waterfalls.

  Beth Dyer had just posted an amazing video (http://viralvo.com/newborn-baby/?r=jm)about a couple's painful and circuitous path to parenthood that had severely tested their faith. "God doesn't give you what you can't handle" was my take away.

  "I got this." I tell myself and make a mental gratitude list on my way to the bus stations, feeling stronger with every step.

  Blessedly, I get more sleep on the bus but by the time I get to the hotel the burning in my arms feels muscle deep.

"Do you have a pharmacy nearby?" I ask the hotel clerk, already knowing the answer.

"No," 

"Is there a doctor nearby?" I ask.

"A doctor? Yes, but he is for emergencies, broken leg or something like this..."

I take off my sunglasses and flash him my eye. His jaw drops ever so slightly.

"It will be very expensive...you are not a Croatian citizen..."

I take a breath, put my sunglasses on and smile, "How much, do you think?" I ask brightly.

"Maybe 300 kuna around there." Which I know is about 40 euro.

"How long will it take for him to get here?"

  At this moment, silly as it is, I am proud of myself. I advocated firmly without rudeness and I felt strangely grateful to be an American with my unperturbed optimism, "Where there's a will, there's a way" attitude. And, of course, I'm grateful for my resources which many Croatians do not have.

   Three minutes later I am in an ambulance and taken to the hotel next store(it would have been quicker to walk). 310 kuna(about $45) and three shots in the butt later my burning is less intense. My eye is still shut but im able to open it if I need to.

 

I eat my lunch with gusto over my cortisone shot victory and take a hard one hour power nap. The park entrance is only 100 meters away and I have 56% battery in my I phone(did I mention that, in the meantime my phone charger busted?). If I conserve I can take some pics this afternoon and tomorrow morning...

  It's 4:30 by the time I get to the park. I forgot how quickly the sun goes down over the mountains, even in the middle of summer but I am grateful. Moving my body feels good, the water is crystal clear and I'm able to catch a couple of dramatically lit shots. There is water everywhere!

 

  Again, depth perception is FOR real! I cautiously tread the wooden walkway. Steps jump out form nowhere, which all forces me to take my time and to slow down.  With my capacities fully functioning I may have Griswolded it the whole time. Instead, I realize that being here is a blessing and this place is a miracle and I'm grateful for each step.